Welcome to The Festive Co.nvo!
There could be no better way to set off this new confetti cannon of conversation, than with an interview with a true ray of sunshine.
I first met Jessica Rowe when I was 20 years old, fresh off the plane from Adelaide, having recently landed my first real job at Cosmopolitan.
I was still finishing uni online, and decided to take a short creative writing course at the University of Technology Sydney, so that I didn’t feel completely adrift in my new world of publishing.
At the first night class, in strode one of the most glamorous woman I’d ever seen! Jessica was doing the nightly news then. She rushed straight from the set in full TV makeup, apologising to us that she might be a few minutes late to each class – the broadcast finished just as we started. Jessica was the first famous person I’d met but here she was, listening intently to everything being said, and always with a kind and genuine reply, even if you were a clueless 20 year old, like I was.
Well, I thought she was it and a bit. And I can tell you, I still do.
As I learnt over the years in my job in the media, Jessica is known for her talent, quick wit, humour and for being one of the most down-to-earth people in TV broadcasting. In 2015, she was honoured as a Member of the Order of Australia for her incredible work as an advocate for mental health awareness and her contribution to Australian media.
Goals, much?!
It’s no wonder she has amassed a whopping 110K followers on Instagram, which is where her now famous hashtag #craphousewife was born. Women all around the country (and likely the world!) can relate to Jessica’s refreshing and honest take on home life.
Her new book Diary of a Crap Housewife is like a hug from a best friend. Or a glass of wine after a long, long day. It’s a tribute to true friendships and raising strong, resilient kids. It’s that honest advice you desperately seek but most are too scared to share. At its heart, it is a book about bravery. But I’ll let Jessica tell you more about that now.
I am thrilled beyond measure to kick off our new series The Festive Co.nvo with this inspiring interview from your new BFFTYDAK (best friend forever that you don’t actually know.)
Enjoy x
Mother’s Day is around the corner and your book, Diary of a Crap Housewife is in many ways a love letter to your daughters. What is your favourite thing about being a mum?
My favourite thing is just my girls! Having these little souls and the love that you feel for them – there’s nothing like it. They teach me so much and nothing prepares you for [motherhood], it changes all the time. Allegra is 12 going on 20. She loves putting together some sort of ensemble. Just the other day, we were having a celebration for her sister’s birthday and she wore an old dress of mine. It was emerald green silk, almost 50s style. She looked fantastic! She was trying to put my shoes on and I’m like ‘Darling, might be a bit much?’ and she said ‘Mummy I’m an individual, this is how I express myself!’ I really want to nurture and encourage that more and more in her and not have that squashed.
Giselle just turned 10. She is hilarious with a dry sense of humour and she’s very observant. She will say things as they are and I’ll think to myself, I wish I had a bit more of your no-nonsense [attitude]. She’s got my sense of silliness too. She loves a bit of a prank or a silly costume. I love getting dressed up.
I’ve got this fabulous big cat head that I bought from Kmart. Sometimes I wear it when I pick the girls up from school. I’ll be sitting in the car – I don’t drive in it because I can’t see, obviously – but I put it on while I’m waiting. Allegra, understandably, is mortified, but Giselle thinks it’s hilarious. And she’ll wear it too!
Being their mum is my greatest joy.
One of the most wonderful themes of the book is being honest about the pressure mums are under to be ‘perfect’. Where does the pressure come from?
We do put far too much pressure on ourselves. I’m getting much better at letting go of it. But interestingly, on the weekend I’d been away promoting the book, Giselle had been at camp and we’d missed celebrating her birthday. I felt like I had to make the weekend fantastic for her and I put all of this pressure on myself. Then I thought, why am I doing this? She was loving what we were doing. Why am I yet again – even though my message is to take the pressure off – still doing it? I think it’s because as mothers, guilt just comes with it. There’s the incredible love and bond you have for this little soul that has grown inside of you. It’s that silver thread that connects you.
I’m a very proud feminist. Yes, we can have it all… but not at the same time. I think something always has to give and that’s what we don’t talk enough about. There is always a cost.
We’re not honest enough with one another about those sacrifices. For me writing Diary of a Crap Housewife was about being honest about those struggles.
Like I said, I still beat myself up on the weekend. But you know, that night when I tucked Giselle into bed, she said ‘Mummy I had the best day. You’re the best. I love you.” And that is what matters.
Image supplied.
How did the hashtag #craphousewife take on this crazy life of its own!?
It was so unexpected! When I began posting the meals I cooked for my family, I used the hashtag #craphousewife. Really poking fun at myself and laughing, not for one moment realising that five years later there would be 100,000 other fellow crap housewives following me on Insta who now also share their meals or failures or disasters.
It’s like giving each other permission to go, you’re good enough! It’s about embracing your imperfection and saying we can’t do it all or we can’t be great at everything. The point is, we’re doing our best and some days it’s going to be better than others, which is all right.
The older I get, the more comfortable I am with really saying it as it is. Rather than feeling like you’re the only one who is struggling to keep it together, because we’re all struggling. It’s just that some of us wear better masks than others and I’m all about dropping the mask.
Unless it’s a cat head and you’re sitting in the car laughing! Keep that mask on – ha!
Image via @jessjrowe
I love that you celebrate beauty and that there’s an entire chapter in the book called ‘Botox’. What does beauty do for your mood?
Beauty can be transformative. Wearing a lovely bright lippie like we have on today makes me feel brighter. Even if on the inside I’m feeling a bit blah, it just lifts my mood and it helps me present myself to the world in the way I want to be seen.
I’m doing it not because of a pressure I feel from outside, it’s purely because I enjoy it. I’ve always loved a bright lipstick and liquid liner and ok, maybe in the past I’ve got a little carried away with cream blush. Ha! Petey would say in the car, ‘Oh pussycat, you might need to blend that a bit!”
Friendship is another beautiful theme in the book. You talk about seasons of friendship and how hard it is to maintain every single relationship.
You can’t. You can’t! My beautiful friend Pip came up with the idea of friendship ‘zones’, that I talk about in the book. It’s a really good way to think about the people in your life. We have a finite amount of that emotional energy. So you have to decide who you want to invest that energy in. When I tell my daughter’s that friends are people who make you feel good about yourself, I think to myself, well actually I need to listen to that too.
You have to really make sure that you surround yourself with good people who aren’t negative ninjas, who don’t suck your energy, but instead leave you feeling [amazing].
You love costumes! What has been your all-time favourite creation?
The fart! My fart costume, absolutely. [Jessica created this to wear on Studio 10]
It didn’t really take long to make once I worked out what I needed. In terms of the assembly, it was about two nights of work. I went to Spotlight to buy the tulle. I had to get the right colours, like a light green, a brown and a bit of white, so I could layer them. I used one of my daughter’s headbands and stitched the tulle onto that like a big puffy veil. The messier the better! Then I stitched the tulle onto a singlet.
And another one was a Crazy Cat Lady costume for Halloween. I have a pink dressing gown and I found all my kids cat soft toys from around the house and attached them with safety pins all over. I have plenty of those Dame Edna style glasses and the Channel 10 girls popped rollers in my hair.
Images via www.craphousewife.com
Where did your love of dressing up come from?
My mum had a fantastic dress up box for us as kids – I have two sisters – that was filled with her old clothes. Her bridal veil was in there and she used to have hair pieces, it was like this dark brown possum thing. It really does [nurture your imagination] when you’re young.
What has been your favourite part of your 40’s so far?
Well, my favourite thing about being in my 40s is… I just LOVE it. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been! I can’t wait to be 50. The older I get, the happier I am. Because I’m more comfortable in my skin, I care less about what people think. That is so empowering. It’s the best and it’s freeing.
Image via @jessjrowe
How do you let go of worrying about what other people think?
I don’t think it’s as simple as saying you do this and just let go. I think life is a series of letting go, and things happen in your life that you realise you cannot control. For me, having post-natal depression was my big rock bottom. That was really when my learning began. About myself, about my previous need for control, and realising that no one is perfect.
Like anything, you’ve got to live it. You have to learn it.
Image via @jessjrowe
The word brave appeared a lot in the book. Even when it wasn’t written there, I scribbled in the margins: BRAVE. When you talked about leaving a job you loved. About post-natal depression. About friendships and taking leaps of faith and saying yes to unexpected job opportunities. Do you feel brave?
Yeah, I do. I really do. That’s something I want my girls to learn. I want them to be brave and to be kind and to be silly.
It’s hard, but we all have to try and live our bravest lives. We only get one shot at it. We have to make it count. To me, being brave is really about going for it, even if it’s not always going to work. Because the point is, it isn’t always going to work. You will get knocked back. But something else will come your way and you’ll give it another go. That’s the important thing.
We zig zag all over the place – we move backwards, we go sideways and we question ourselves and our choices. But if you can, you listen to that bravery inside of you. That’s the way to do it.
Jessica’s new book Diary of a Crap Housewife, $29.99 (Allen & Unwin) is on sale now!
Find out more about Jessica here and here, or follow her on Instagram here!
