How many of you can say you know a Funeral Director? Well I can! Strictly speaking, Yasemin is a Ceremony and Ritual Specialist. ‘Funeral Director’ conjures up images of Dan Aykroyd in the movie My Girl. And that is definitely not Yaz. Because what she has created is completely changing the way people think about death.
And I understand ‘festive’ is not really a word associated with funerals. There are lots of other words that come to mind. Negative ones. Because a funeral comes after death and that, to most people, is one of the scariest words of all. But Yasemin is trying to rewire all that. Funerals, wakes and memorials are, after all, a celebration of life, which is why I was so excited to share Yaz’s story here. She has so much wisdom to impart.
After a light-bulb moment while living overseas, the Aussie entrepreneur realised that there is much work to be done around the way we think about, deal with, acknowledge and commemorate death. She moved back to settle in the Gold Coast Hinterland with her husband and two young boys and founded Rite Of Passage Funerals.
Yaz has built a business that beautifully and thoughtfully creates bespoke ceremonies and events, full of heartfelt and unique touches that truly honour loved ones. But she isn’t satisfied with leaving things there. She is also working hard to educate us in the way we think about death.
You’ll finish this interview completely inspired, totally fascinated and maybe even ready to change some of your own mindsets too.
Enjoy the read x
If you want to connect on Instagram, you can find Yasemin here and Rite Of Passage Funerals here.
Or visit the Rite Of Passage Funerals website here.
@roshimccartin
What is Rite Of Passage Funerals and why did you start the business?
Rite of Passage Funerals specialises in creating unforgettable funerals & end-of-life events from Ballina to Brisbane (and beyond).
I started Rite of Passage Funerals because I believe that end-of-life events – be it a funeral, memorial, living wake or bedside vigil – are critically important, and I felt that they just weren’t being given the grace, personalisation and love that they require.
When faced with the prospect of planning a funeral, I was completely discontent with what was available. Most funeral services take place in a soulless room at a memorial park or funeral home, where you have 45-90 minutes for a service before the next grieving family is wheeled in. It’s sad and depressing, and not remotely what I would want for my family, friends or myself, so I set about creating a completely different offering that honours life without strict time restrictions, uses styling to create beautiful spaces, educates families on their options and redistributes their budget into the things that have the most meaning (clue: it’s not an overpriced casket).
What is your background?
I completed a Bachelor of Arts (majoring in Journalism) and while in my final year I was ‘the work experience kid’ at New Idea. I worked across fashion and beauty, for free, for 12 months, and fell in love with the idea of being a Beauty Editor. From there, I scored the Beauty Assistant role at Marie Claire, then went on to be Beauty Editor at Famous, launch PRIMPED.com.au as Beauty Editor under the amazing Zöe Foster, then go on to be Editor of PRIMPED.com.au, New York Editor of PRIMPED.com.au, freelance for many years and now… this! Yup, it’s a career pivot if I ever saw one.
When did you decide to start Rite of Passage Funerals?
It’s a crazy story, so I’ll do my best to keep it brief. My husband and I sold all our belongings (including our house!) in 2016 and moved to the USA with a 10 month old and 3.5 year old. We’d been working towards this goal for 5 years, planning to start an organic wholefood and chicken eatery in a town called Asheville, North Carolina, where my mother-in-law lived. We’d purchased a commercial building, poured energy and time and creativity into this plan and made many, many sacrifices along the way. But not long after arriving we realised that dream no longer aligned with our life and our beautiful boys. I was in free-fall for a time, wondering what we were going to do, where we were going to live, what our life would look like moving forward. There was no path laid out in front of us; it was space and nothingness and, in that period, fear and darkness. It was messy.
But through that darkness we both realised that by having nothing, you also have everything. We were fortunate to be in a position with choice. With options. In fact, with a shift in mindset we were in the best possible position because we were free. Free to make our own choices and create a roadmap for our family without ties or strings or commitments to honour.
From that place came healing and rebuilding and looking at life through a completely different lens. And it was from that place, while reading an article on crematoriums in Europe, that I realised THIS is what I’m meant to be doing. I felt it with every cell in my body; the death space needed my love, care, attention and creativity. In that moment I made a commitment to follow this soul calling and set about starting this business, from nothing but an idea, and making it a reality.
What has been the most exciting part?
The creative stuff is always so fun. I recently rebranded and built a new website and it was so exciting seeing my ideas come to fruition. It’s also exciting seeing the business evolve and grow, and realising that you can conquer mountains one step at a time if you just keep persevering.
What has been the hardest part?
Managing my expectations. I was seriously disillusioned when it came to how hard and slow and challenging it is to start a business. I truly (and crazily) believed that if I just put a cute website up the phone would start ringing. Ha! But the lessons I’ve learned on this journey have helped me grow in ways I never would have dreamed of, so I’m thankful for all the challenges that come my way.
The early days were also hard as we left the USA and moved back to Australia, but rather than return to Sydney we bought a house on the Gold Coast Hinterland, so I was starting a new business, in a new field, in a new city, without any contacts whatsoever. It’s actually mind-blowing when I think about it.
Being a Mama invites its own challenges as well, just finding time to carve out work and family time and really trying to be present with the boys.
What is the biggest work lesson you’ve learnt so far?
That building a sustainable business takes time. Well, for me anyway. I would always hear these stories of how people would start something and suddenly they were busy and things just seemed to take off immediately. At first, I’d question the validity of my idea and think I was just nuts for doing this, because it has been a very slow burn. But my trust and passion for Rite of Passage Funerals has just kept me going. We’re so conditioned to want and receive things immediately these days, there’s very little opportunity for delayed gratification, but I’ve learned that it’s actually through the trusting, waiting and surrender that all my biggest lessons have come and that the business is just growing into itself. I’ve had time to really harness and care for it, bring new ideas into the mix and create some incredible resources to help change the way people view death. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I was busy from the get-go – so I’m grateful for it all.
The best advice you received about starting your own business or working for yourself?
Don’t focus on what everyone else is doing – you do you. And in this industry, which can be really cut throat, I am the black sheep. At first I felt a bit intimidated by it all, like I was an imposter – but now I’m so proud of my differences and celebrate with aplomb.
Have you had any mentor help along the way?
Yes, absolutely! From friends who are business coaches to family members to people in the death industry… I couldn’t have done it alone. No way.
What is something you wish people knew about death and funerals?
When you lean into the inevitability of death it can be a truly transformative thing. When you’re born, you sign a leger that one day you’re also going to die, so it’s what you do in between that truly matters.
I believe funerals exist to open hearts, facilitate healing and bring tribes together to mourn, connect and lean on each other. They are sad, of course, but they’re also beautiful when done right.
How has becoming a mama changed you?
Oh gosh, in every imaginable way. My boys have instigated significant growth in me. They are my teachers, no doubt about it. I have learned things about myself that I never knew were there; the good, the bad and the ugly. I have laughed more, cried more and lived more in the last 6 years since becoming a Mama than I did in my entire 29 years prior.
How has it changed how you work?
I remember my friend Lorraine Murphy saying something like ‘don’t make your kids the excuse for not doing something, make them your reason for doing it in the first place,’ and that really resonated with me.
When I had Arlo I just kept working. I was a very busy freelancer at the time and as I worked from home (and my husband did as well) we were super flexible. But after having Kip I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up that pace with a newborn and a toddler, so I wrapped up all my contracts and threw myself into motherland and prepping for our overseas move.
We ended up staying in the USA for 10 months on an extended holiday, so again, my husband and I enjoyed the boys and our time in the Appalachian Mountains, but after having that life-changing realisation to start Rite of Passage Funerals, the call to return to ‘work’ was strong.
So far I’ve been able to work around the boys schedules with school and kindy, but as the business gets busier it is getting harder, especially with the nature of funerals. There’s a short turnaround time and you don’t know when they’re going to come in, so it’s hard to create structure, but my husband is super hands on and supportive, so we just make it work.
What is the most rewarding part of mum life?
Just seeing them grow and shine and overcome their obstacles with such courage and tenacity. What seems tiny to us adults can be a big deal to little ones, so watching them learn how to feel into these moments and grow from them is amazing to me.
What is the hardest part?
Owning my own shit. You know, sometimes it’s so easy to react and blame the kids and get angry and lose your mind (and that happens on occasion, trust me!) but when I feel like that I take a breath and try to see what’s triggered me to react in this way and feel so intensely in this moment, and often that is hard and painful. Also, the constant tiredness. I wonder if I’ll ever have energy again?
What does ‘balance’ look like in your life?
It looks like relaxing my expectations. By Sunday afternoon my house looks like it’s been ransacked and once upon a time I would have really struggled with that (because: perfection) but now I just accept that my new reality means a house that isn’t always spotless (okay, more like mostly messy), sending emails at odd hours or being late for school a few days a term. And honestly, I don’t care, because I’ve spent time with my family at the beach or planned an amazing funeral for a family who’ve lost a loved one. And that, to me, is balance!
Anything you wish someone had told you before you had kids?
It’s absolutely NUTS! I have two boys and they literally never stop moving. They’re always running, jumping, wrestling, leaping, climbing, fighting… it’s crazy. I come from a family of girls, so this is all new to me, and my goodness it’s BUSY. I’ve had to wrap my head around this new phenomenon, and I’ve now mastered the art of tuning out. Lol!
When did you first feel like a grown up?
Oh gosh, never! My hubby and I were talking about this the other day; how we still feel like kids in many respects, but we’re also really grown up and responsible parents. It’s this weird paradox. I still love playing and being ridiculously silly, dancing and doing embarrassing things that my family think is totally out there, so that keeps me kind of young, but on the flip side of that I think the huge life overhaul we’ve experienced over the past few years has made up stop, take stock, push through many, many challenges and realise that this grown up gig is f’ing hard.
What motivates you the most?
Being of service, helping people, shedding light on dark situations and being the best, most radically evolved human I can possibly be. I’m constantly learning, growing and leaning into discomfort to show my boys that life is there to be lived right to the very edges.
Your best tip for shaking yourself out of a funk?
Stop everything you’re doing. Take a deep breath. Go for a run, have a shower, journal, meditate and really honour all your feelings, then (and most importantly) pick up the phone and call a friend and be brave and vulnerable enough to tell them that you’re having a shit day and that you’re not okay in this moment. I’ve learned the hard way that pretending everything is fine when it’s not is a thief of joy. You can’t always help yourself, and that’s okay.
Any practices or rituals you do each day?
Much to the hilarity of my husband I’ve just started ecstatic dance. I go downstairs, blast my favourite music (at the moment it’s Higher Love by Kygo among others) and literally dance like no one is watching. It feels SOOOOO GOOOD! I can’t tell you the joy it brings me, so I do it everyday. I also read every. single. day. I never miss a day without at least a few pages of a good book (always personal growth and spirituality) and every night before bed I tell my boys: ‘you are loved, you are loveable and I love you just the way you are.’ – it’s their little bedtime mantra and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Any wellness tips and tricks?
With a background as a wellness writer, I’ve tried almost everything over the years. My current obsession is a copper tongue scraper. It sounds gross because it is, but it feels amazing and eliminates all the bacteria from your mouth that you’d usually just swallow or leave there. I’ve got Alex onto it too and even my parents!
Any tips for mums working for themselves and how to manage both elements of their lives?
Be kind to yourself! There’s this subtle expectation that we should do everything perfectly – be amazing mums and wives and lovers and friends and bosses, but to that I shake my head. Men don’t have these pressures, so why should we? Do the best you can do, create space for YOURSELF so you can fill up your cup, and learn to say no. Creating strong boundaries is key for us working mamas, so don’t feel like you have to please everyone at your own expense.
What does a regular day look like for you?
I wake up anywhere between 5:30am and 6:30am, greet the boys (my husband is always the first one up so takes the boys until I’m up), have a cup of tea and then start getting the boys ready for school/kindy. Sometimes we’ll go for a walk before school depending on the time, other mornings the boys will play in the garden or go for a quick swim. We’re out the door at 8am and then it depends on whether I have a funeral service or not. If I do, it’s all systems go with planning and executing, otherwise it’s either running a few errands, home to work for a few hours and then lunch. My husband also works from home so we have lunch together and then a nap most days I don’t have a service (I know, right!) to recharge the batteries. I will then do my dancing, pick up the boys, come home and make dinner and then we all watch a short TV show together (at the moment it’s Ultimate Beastmaster; the boys are obsessed) before the boys go to bed at 7pm and Al and I watch some TV and head to bed about 9pm.
What are your tricks for managing workload and productivity?
I use Planoly for my Instagram account. I find setting aside 30-40 mins a week to schedule everything in advance is much easier than trying to do it each day. I also find I’m most productive between 10am-2pm so I power out as much as I can in those hours so I can spend the rest of my day doing other things. The way I work now is so different to how I used to. I used to think working hard meant the number of hours under my belt, but now I’m all about short bursts and I’m achieving more than ever.
How to you maintain a positive outlook and strong mental health while dealing with other peoples sadness?
I think I’m naturally a pretty upbeat person so my personality suits this work, but in addition to that, I’ve learned how to be present and give love and energy without taking on other people’s grief. I also work with an amazing kinesiologist who helps with anything that might come up. I truly see it as an honour to be able to come into people’s lives when they’ve lost a loved one, so my mindset isn’t on sadness or negativity (even though it is very sad) but on gratitude, and that is probably the key difference.
What has been the most meaningful celebration you’ve ever thrown ?
My wedding! My husband and I eloped when we were travelling around the world in 2011 and it was such a magical day. It was very simple but the love we exchanged that day is something I’ll never forget. We were both just totally ‘in’ the moment and it was incredible.
What kind of celebration styling do you gravitate towards ?
Earthy, relaxed, casual and full of love.
How important is it to create a ‘mood’ at an event?
Very important! Mood is crucial.
What are some small touches people can add to a celebration of life, that they may not have thought of?
Our services aim to create a multi-sensory experience for guests, so we look at ways we can bring sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches that make the event truly reflect the life we’re honouring. At a funeral we arranged last week, the widow said that his wife loved the smell of lemongrass, so we diffused lemongrass. He loved that. We also combine the wake and ceremony, so that people don’t taper off, and the food we serve always reflects some of, if not all of, their favourite things. It’s also in the music, the pictures, the keepsakes. There really are no rules!
Favourite Instagram accounts to follow for inspiration?
@travelswithnina (I interviewed her about bucket lists for my blog and she’s AMAZING!)
@spell (because I want to live in their clothes)
@tobemagnetic (I love Lacy’s podcast and can’t wait to do her online manifesting program)
Some songs or music you suggest?
I have a whole Rite of Passage Funerals Spotify Playlist you can tune into.
You were a beauty editor for a long time, and known for your incredible glow. Whats the secret?!
Thanks! Lots of water and face oils. Also, I always mix a liquid luminiser (currently using Becca) with my tinted moisturiser for added glow.
Which beauty products do you use to the very, VERY last drop?
Basically anything by Mukti – I love their stuff. Also, Black Chicken Remedies Natural Deodorant, it’s the best.
What are some of your best local/Aussie finds?
Both Mukti and Black Chicken are Aussie, but I also love The Beauty Chef, Eye of Horus Cosmetics and Ayu fragrance.
If you could create a signature scent, which perfumes would inspire it?
I remember when I was a kid, my mum went through a hippie phase and wore patchouli oil. At the time my sister and I were like ‘WTF is that scent’ but now whenever I smell it I think of her. It gets a bit of a bad wrap, but when blended with the right oils and pared right back, I think patchouli has a place. Right? I also love Ayu Rumi fragrance, it’s a jasmine-based scent and it’s so pretty.
